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What to Do When Confronted by "The Pink Elephant"

While most of us have developed various coping mechanisms and strategies for such pessimistic situations, such as conflict, therapy, binge drinking, freaking out, withdrawal and divorce, the pink elephant is a completely different animal! For those not so familiar with this unwelcome visitor, the pink elephant is commonly referred to as “… an obvious truth that is ignored or not addressed. The idiom also applies to an obvious problem or danger that no one wants to discuss.” (Wikipedia) You see, in most cases when we are faced with certain truths, we know what to do, or at least we have some vague idea and are bound to take action because some line has been crossed and everyone involved tacitly agrees and acts accordingly. Whereas when the pink elephant shows up… it just hangs there like the house guest that never leaves.

Some examples might be: your roommate keeps eating all your food and never admits it or offers to pay, but you don’t say anything because you can’t afford to live there without them, so you carry on like nothing’s wrong; him shamelessly eating through the house and yours and you cringing every time you see him secretly want to scream, “STOP EATING MY FOOD, FOOD THIEF, BADDER, COUPE POTATO, MUCHER!” Or maybe your boyfriend drinks very, very often and embarrasses and scares you, but you don’t say anything because he says he can’t live without you and… you depend on him financially and are afraid of being alone. you confuse yourself with becoming more and more emotionally distant, eventually having angry or passive compulsive sex because now you can’t stand it when he touches you, but you don’t have the courage or resources to say no, so you don’t.

Or maybe your closest relative, the one you’ve spent every birthday and holiday with for most of your life, just embezzled money from his boss (whom you know intimately) and neither of you is telling the other in part because you are in shock, you can’t believe they would ever do such a thing, and partly because you don’t even know what to say. Really…what does one say in such circumstances? Weeks and months go by while you tell yourself that they will come, they will fix things…right? Then, after months of no one saying anything, a family event comes up and out of the blue, they send you an invite like nothing happened and sign the “love and miss you” card… and you think ?

Or maybe someone owes you money and said they’ll pay you, but every time you see them they don’t mention it well because you’re a nice person and don’t want to seem rude or desperate or (fill in the blank) you suck it up and tell yourself , if they don’t mention it next time you will say something except between now and the next time you realize this isn’t the first time this has happened and this person always seems to be borrowing money and not getting it back, plus they have a convenient, tear-jerking story about why they can’t. Well, of course, you, being the loving and understanding person that you are, wouldn’t ask someone who is down and out to pay you back when they are having a hard time…except you notice that when you see them then they tell you about the trip they just took or the new jacket they just bought or they show you their new cell phone and you think…What the…?

So what do you do when you don’t know what to do? When something is clearly wrong and no one is saying anything about it? The great thing about the pink elephant effect is that it disappears almost completely once a person has the courage to talk about it. Literally poof… gone. The challenge is that, most of the time, as I explained, it feels like there’s so much at stake, so we put it off. The problem in this scenario is obvious: the elephant remains or in some cases grows proportionally. So before you buy a voodoo doll or post or, worse, try to make an elephant your pet, here are some suggestions for when you’re faced with the pink monster:

1. How important is it? What is the relative importance of this issue on a scale of open heart surgery? If it’s really an ego issue or a pride issue or some other nonsense like that, then you might want to deal with it instead of making a bigger issue out of something when there’s no need. On the other hand, if you decide it’s a big deal, at least you’ve taken the first step in putting the situation into some perspective.

2. What do you really have to lose? There is a saying, “You can’t lose what you never had.” So why not take a really honest look and see what you’re really dealing with here. You may want to consult a specialist, pray, see a therapist, or talk openly with a friend. See if you can’t gain some clarity and objectivity about the situation and see what’s really at stake. Never underestimate the power of support nor the power of Divine illumination!!

3. Take the high road! They call the high road the road less traveled for a reason. that is, because it is not always easy to say what needs to be said or to do the right thing. Don’t let it stop you. As my mother always says, “This isn’t a dress rehearsal, be a game” and in the end you’ll know you’ve been true to yourself!

4. Trust yourself above all else…you know the answer. The truth is always there inside you, sometimes it takes a while to get the courage to do what we know we should! You can always count on that!

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