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The Yin and Yang of Relationships

No matter who we are, we seek balance in all aspects of our lives. On a physiological level, our bodies are on a constant quest to achieve homeostasis, or natural balance and health. When we are financially broke, we try to figure out how to make more money, just as when we are in abundance, we look for ways to spend. When we are tired, we sleep and when we are full of energy, we find ways to expel it. Always balancing, always adjusting, always changing in some big or small way to get back into balance when we lean one way or another.

But what happens when we are in a relationship with another person who is also juggling their own balance? And how does this affect ours? Well, I have a theory that has proven to be true, or at least worth continuing to explore in my life. It is a theory based on Yin/Yang. For those who may not be familiar with Yin and Yang, in traditional Eastern philosophy, they represent the Moon and the Sun, or dark and light, or for the purposes of this discussion, female and male.

Alone and without a “romantic” relationship, I find myself very balanced in feminine and masculine energy and activities. I find myself managing and maintaining traditionally male tasks, from taking out the trash (I really hate it, but probably no more than men) and a myriad of home repairs to taking on the responsibilities of running a business of decent size and must interact primarily with men in negotiating, maneuvering, breaching competition, handling legal and accounting details and the need to make intellectual decisions for the good of the business rather than emotional ones. As a woman, I find these tasks challenging, but they got easier over the years because I was solely responsible for them.

I also lean into my feminine “housewife” side, and pride myself on soft surroundings, plush furniture, and enjoy being in the kitchen creating mostly experimental meals that mostly turn out really delicious. My feminine side is full of flowers and rainbows and plants and sweet animals that are also beautiful and soft. I love to laugh and play and enjoy sugar and spice and all the good stuff.

Finding time for everything in my life is its own balancing act as the demands of both aspects are always present and pressing, but every day I get it all done and at the end of the day I don’t feel like a woman or a man, but often the superhero of my own sphere. Exhaustion is common after balancing everything, but I always manage to find balance.

For all intents and purposes, when I balance it all out myself, this superhero feels pretty sexual, though there’s always an attraction to the feminine, because I’m a woman after all. But I find myself wearing clothes that aren’t particularly gender-appropriate. Jeans and T-shirt, you bet. Sweat, great! At home you’ll generally find me in weird combinations of sleep pants with pink hearts on them along with a dark green John Deere sweatshirt with oil stains from the garage and my hair in some crazy pin up style I made just to get it out of the way me, or maybe a silk dress over top work boots and my hair down and pretty. One never knows. I certainly never do it overnight. But it’s a clear indication that I’m balancing two separate and distinct energies, and as silly as I probably look, I don’t really care. No one is here to see me except my dog ​​and cat who couldn’t care less, and no one drops by unannounced, EVER (so don’t even think about it).

When I’m out and about, that’s a little different, although if you look closely, you might see clues to what I’m talking about in the way I dress and present myself. A brilliant combination of softness and strength. Men stare, women glare, and most of the time no one talks to me because they don’t know how to approach me. Since a rare person knows the “real” me, they often tell me that they thought I was intimidating, or a bitch, or stuck up, or my favorite combination “an intimidating stuck up bitch.” All this interpretation I have never said a single word before. So it’s either my outfit or the strength of my balance that they sense. Or maybe it’s both. Who the hell knows.

But this I do know: When I get into a romantic relationship, everything changes inside and out. I’m not talking about feelings of love or being in love. I’m talking about something else. I’m talking about my inner Yin/Yang balance. And the degree to which this shift occurs is directly proportional to the balance of the man I’m in a relationship with. I’m still looking for balance whether I know it or not. And I can see evidence of this change in how my clothing preferences change to what I feel more attracted to and more capable of. The exception to this rule is if the person I’m dating is as balanced Yin/Yang as I am, and then almost nothing changes and we usually end up being better friends than romantic partners.

But when the man I’m in a relationship with is strongly masculine (always my preference), I’m allowed to become energetically more feminine. In fact, I need to find balance in the relationship. I notice that my appearance changes dramatically and becomes much more feminine (floral dresses, silk underwear, more jewelry, more makeup, etc.) I prefer to be domestic rather than business, and I prefer to plant flowers and fill my house with them afterwards to cut the grass with my tractor (yes, it’s a John Deere). I’m becoming absolutely averse to taking out the trash or having to deal with bolts and slugs and the like. You’ll find me barefoot in the kitchen or in a bubble bath or making a spa appointment for a pedicure and manicure when a quick sandwich, a shower and old rusty nail clippers used to do. These are not planned changes, they are automatic. Energy homeostasis. The balance of Yin and Yang between two people. Men are the protectors, the providers, the warriors…they are the masculine nature, while women are the nurturers, the nurturers, the caretakers…all feminine.

I’m sure there are plenty of feminists out there ready to snap my neck right now, but I don’t care. I think their Yin/Yang balance is a little skewed towards the male, but that’s just my opinion. Regardless. This automatic change is something I have seen in myself over and over to some degree.

An example of how a more feminine man affects me is equally dramatic. I dated a boyfriend several years ago who was sweet, kind, smart, owned his own business, flew on a private jet, took me to the best restaurants, and was an all around perfect gentleman. But one day, we were in a lovely park together, and a strong breeze started blowing us the cool air, and he stayed behind me, put his head on my shoulder (he was an inch or so shorter than me, meaning he’s also not something I’m really comfortable with for all those same reasons) and asked me to protect him from the cold wind.

Aahhhmmmmmm… deal breaker. He immediately cast me in the male role and I felt immediately and literally nauseous. All I could think was “Get your head off my shoulder and act like a man!”. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t say it out loud because I didn’t want to get hurt, but it was. His femininity became like a repulsive magnet when turned in the wrong direction. There was no way around it. That was the last time I saw him. I learned that I can become more feminine, of course, but not more masculine. It wasn’t possible. I could stay balanced on my own or become more feminine with a more masculine man. And the more masculine the better for me.

There are many wonderful men out there who have their feminine sides well developed, and I adore them as friends. I enjoy spending time with them, having enjoyable and often deep conversations with them, but I am never romantically attracted to them. I must honor this truth if I am to continue to find the balance I am always adjusting to maintain within myself. I’d rather have a number of friends and stay balanced and without a romantic partner than get involved and unbalanced with someone. This relationship would be doomed from the start.

I don’t know if my theory will make sense to any of you, but it seems right to me. And since I am the one who has to live with me, I will trust it. I believe that when we are alone, we eventually find balance and when we are with a partner, we will seek that balance as a whole. Just as two wrongs don’t make a right, two people who are male or two who are female cannot make a healthy Yin/Yang whole. You just end up with two halves of something that don’t match…like two left shoes or a pair of pants with both legs on the left side of the crotch.

Find a partner that complements your existing balance and allows you to be who you most naturally are. But realize that if you are out of balance yourself, you will not find a balanced partner. As a dear friend of mine used to say when he saw two screwed up kids buttoning: “There are two sick people trying to make a galotsi!” He was so right.

I am exhausted. I go to bed (in sweats and a silk teddy). Good night!

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