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Weird Penis Tricks – World Records, Party Feats and More

Over the millennia, humanity has amassed a fine list of achievements: from agriculture to civilization, from the automobile to modern medicine, to rapid social and technological progress, the human race can be described as a highly successful species. Among all these other high achievements, it is also worth mentioning the lesser known, but no less amazing achievements of the human body itself. These weird penis tricks and feats are sure to raise anyone’s respect for humanity—or at least raise an eyebrow or two. Even better, with the right approach to penile care, readers may find that they can make their own mark when it comes to penile reputation.

World penis record

First, the most impressive of the penis world records are examined.

1) The largest and smallest human penis. In terms of sheer proportion, men are relatively well endowed, with an average flaccid penis of about 2.5 inches and 5-6 inches erect. However, there are extreme variations in size, in both directions. The largest penis ever officially recorded was 13.5 inches erect and the smallest was just 39 inches.

2) Longer ejaculation distance. This record, somehow obtained, comes in at 18 feet. Millions of men are working hard right now trying to do it better.

3) Faster ejaculation speed. The fastest ejaculation is 42.7 miles per hour. Talk about hose.

4) The largest comprehensive penis collection. This would be the Phallological Museum of Iceland, containing both intact penises and various parts of the penis.

5) The longest masturbation session. Nine hours, 58 minutes – and a whole lube.

6) The largest number of partners in one day. The jury is still out on this one as many claims have been made, but the number seems to remain around 102 for a man.

Places of entertainment and culture

For those tired of weeks and years of boring movies, broadway musicals, sporting events and other such yawners, penis puppetry offers a new and exciting form of entertainment. Popularized by Melbourne, Australia duo Simon Morley and David “Friendly” Friend, this unique form of entertainment involves two children, naked, on stage performing various comical maneuvers and contortions with their own puppets.

Party Tricks That Impress

For those who can’t travel to Melbourne to see these professionals at work, a little practice at home with a mirror can help any guy hone some puppetry skills of his own. Some popular party tricks include folding and twisting penises into various animal shapes, including dogs, cats, bears, bats, and (of course) elephants.

How to take care of the trophy winner

Whether a man wants to achieve one of the world records described here, or simply wants party tricks for his next boys’ night, party, family reunion, or what have you, proper penile care is essential to ensure that the equipment is ready for its debut. After all, puppet tricks with a scaly, reddened, wrinkled limb are less likely to impress than those performed with a smooth, flexible tool. To achieve that camera-ready glow, men should follow a three-part process.

1) Manscaping – essential for those who want to show off their package in all its glory. Men should use a sharp pair of scissors, a fresh razor, or an electric shaver carefully remove the hair at a level that defines the penis to its best advantage. For longer hair, it’s best to cut it first, before applying a razor. Be sure to pull the leather taut to avoid cutting into these fine folds.

2) Spa treatment – a big windfall. Start by submerging the manhood in a warm bath – not too hot, to avoid dryness and redness. Pull back the foreskin, if still attached, to absorb the foreskin underneath. Wash the entire package with a mild detergent, rinse and towel dry.

3) Moisturize – while the skin is still warm and glowing from the bath, apply a high-quality penile moisturizing formula. A specialized penile health cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) it’s a good bet. Vitamins, amino acids, antioxidants and emollients formulated with penile skin in mind absorb quickly, going straight to work to make sure the star of the show is ready for the next performance.

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