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So You Think Your Life Sucks (or Does It?)
Everyone perceives life through their own lens. We all personalize our stories, define it as our own Childhood was horrible – or just plain crappy – and we choose to stay stuck repeating our victim stories over and over in our heads and to others. It’s a challenging truth to face. However, if you can step outside of yourself and look at yourself as someone else, I think you’ll see someone much cooler than what you see in the mirror.
We are so hard on ourselves that we can’t even recognize our own greatness. When you can notice the good in yourself instead of all that you think is pathetic about you, you will have the power to make lasting changes in your life, the lives of others, and ultimately be able to attract your man. Pretend you’re your best friend writing an introduction for you for an awesome event being held in your honor. What’s so great about you? Put on your acting hat, drop your modesty and make the girl proud, because you are awesome!
I know it sucks to be alone for the holidays, but I promise thousands of people are experiencing hardships far worse than what you are experiencing right now. While there may be people out there who do better than you, there are also people who do worse than you. If you’re going to compare yourself to others, make sure you’re fair in your comparisons, because otherwise you’re just finding reasons to keep beating yourself up.
If you are honest with yourself, you will realize that your life is not so bad.
· Do you have a place to stay?
· Food to eat?
· Clothes on your back?
· Family that loves you?
When it comes down to it, these are the important things, and everything else is just a circumstance you can change. You can even change the family part by creating your own family if you don’t currently have one, or if you’d rather trade in a better-functioning model.
My family is very different than I thought it would be at 45. I thought I would chase a couple or three kids, creating a happy home. Instead, Mario and I play with our dog Roscoe every night and we have a different kind of happy home. There are definitely days when I wish I had kids of my own, but my girlfriend helped put that thought into perspective by reminding me that I can be a mom to all kids, they don’t have to be mine.
Now I embrace the freedom that the family life I have gives me. I periodically borrow Mario’s nieces, nephews and grandkids and don’t have the stress that parenting can bring. Instead, I channel my energy into creating many businesses that bring me great satisfaction. I am raising a different child.
Anyway, the point is it’s all a matter of your perspective. You can choose to see your life differently and you can start right away. Instead of remembering all the bad things that happened to you, focus on some of the good stuff. Or choose to see some of the bad things as opportunities for personal empowerment. You wouldn’t be who you are today without those experiences. Many times they served to make us stronger or gave us a purpose greater than ourselves. Many life paths have been carved by stories of personal tragedy. My father died when I was four. My mom would spend three to four nights a week at the bar with my stepdad until all hours. I learned to be extremely independent and resourceful. These are traits I wouldn’t trade for anything now and wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been through what I’ve been through.
This strategy can also be applied to your beliefs about relationships. If you think all men cheat, think of someone in your past who didn’t cheat on you. Or find evidence of other faithful men in the world, for there are many. If you think there are no good men left, it’s only because you’re not willing to see them, because there are many of them out there who are also looking for a great girl to spend their lives with. I know because I meet them all the time. I meet them because I believe this there are abundance of good men in the world.
If you feel that you are unlovable or unworthy in some way, remember a time when you received love, affection, a caring touch or validation of any kind and from anyone in your life. It doesn’t have to be from your parents. We always find ways to get what we need. We just need to stop complaining about what we don’t have and start being more grateful for what we do have. Let’s look at the good instead of the bad. Even if it’s just a small good moment, you can make this your mantra and grow it in your subconscious mind to attract many more good things into your life.
If you’re feeling particularly lonely and hopeless this year, I encourage you to find ways to help others. You will realize that it is not so bad after all.
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, animal shelter, hospital or assisted living facility this holiday season. (You never know you might run into your husband doing the same thing!)
- Create camaraderie by inviting a few single friends over for drinks or food. (One of those friends could introduce you to your man – it happened to me!)
- Practice Random Acts of Kindness buying coffee for the person behind you in the coffee shop. Pick someone from the phone book and anonymously send them $20 – $100 just because. Write handwritten notes to your friends and family expressing your gratitude or something you like about them. Write a handwritten note to yourself too and have someone send it to you later.
- Start doing things you’ve always wanted to do and never got around to. I regret living in Miami and the Florida Keys that I never learned to scuba dive or go deep sea fishing. There must be something that you are interested in and can explore. It could be as simple as finding a club to play cards. I looked for places that offered Robert Kyosaki’s Cash Flow Game. I didn’t meet my man there, but I did meet an investment partner, who Mario and I are doing deals with now, and Mario and I played the Cash Flow Game on our first date!
- Play live music and dance in your living room as you decorate your home for the holidays. Moving your body feels good and helps your cells to rejuvenate and positively charge to become attraction magnets. Your face flushes, you feel alive, you’re having fun and it’s all sexy! Plan a trip to the store since your man could be looking for the same type of pasta sauce that you like.
- Clean out a closet, organize your photos, make a hit list or create a vision board. Clearing the clutter for clarity is a powerful process to send a message to the Universe that you are done with the old and ready to receive the new. Clean out a drawer and set it aside for your man. Don’t tell anyone until you know it’s time. It will be your little secret until it shows up for you.
When organizing your photos, stay focused on positive happy memories. Think about the good times you had with family, friends and past lovers and remind yourself how good your life really was. Creating a NEW vision board is also extremely powerful because creative projects are very therapeutic and help you clarify your preferences. So dust off that old one, grab your magazines and computer pictures and start cutting and pasting!
Your life is not as bad as you have made it out to be in your mind. Feeling sorry for yourself and worrying about it are coping mechanisms that helped you as a child and no longer serve you now. Your mind is extremely powerful, and it’s also basically just a computer, it can only get out what you put into it, so why not put in thoughts of empowerment, love for yourself, your life and beliefs for others. We can find evidence to support any thought we have, like that let’s find evidence that supports what we want in life instead of what we don’t want.
You can have an amazing life, filled with work, people and circumstances you love and enjoy. You just have to believe that it can apply to you and it all starts with changing one thought today. Why not start by observing and helping others this holiday season to shift your perspective from “Poor me” to “How can I help them”. When you get out of yourself and into others, suddenly your life seems so much better. It is simply a change of perspective, which is the definition of a miracle. Why not create your own holiday wonder this year? It’s all up to you!
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