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When Your World Comes Crashing Down
Sometimes life hits us between the eyes and brings an unexpected turn of events. The shock and subsequent impact can make us wonder why it happened. We were bad, it’s karma, do we deserve this? The answer is often a resounding “no.” It is what it is, nothing more or less than that. But still, we have to deal with it and recover.
When our world falls apart, others may not appreciate the magnitude of what we are going through or how what has happened has affected us. Consequently, comments that are dismissive, superficial, perhaps even offensive can come our way while we struggle just to get out of bed.
Even friends and family may not appreciate the anguish we go through, how devastating these things are to us. When we miss out on getting pregnant for another month and hear a cheery, “you’re young, you’ve got plenty of time, there’s always next month!” Or when they hide for our beloved cat that didn’t come home and we hear comments like “you’ll get another one, it’s just an animal”, showing that we don’t understand how much our beloved pet means, how it’s such an important part of the family. Or even comments like, “there are a lot more fish in the sea” when our last relationship ends.
We can feel overwhelmed when we have invested so much of ourselves in something that fails to materialize or materialize. Grief and loss are often experienced during these difficult times in life. Even when we have time to prepare for what comes next, it can be a devastating loss. We may manage to maintain a stoic exterior, appearing calm, unruffled and resilient, but inside or when we’re alone it’s often a different story. Our world has collapsed, taking with it our future plans, hopes and dreams.
How can we cope when our world has fallen apart and we experience such a sense of loss?
– Keep your own counsel. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Your feelings, challenges and situation are very different from theirs. Accept that others may not be as empathetic or supportive as you would like them to be, possibly through no fault of their own. It can be frustrating, hard to bear, but there is little we can do when they just don’t understand.
– Choose who to share your story with. Be careful about accidentally exposing too much of yourself and your feelings at such a vulnerable time. It’s easy to absorb a lot of other people’s comments, advice and input, but ask yourself, would they really do what they so freely advise you to do if they were in your shoes!
– Listening to others it can bring its own stress, pushing us into inappropriate decisions and choices. When they are so “supportive”, we may feel it is a good way to listen and follow their advice. We may even think of them as experts, feel obliged to trust their judgment, defer to their wisdom, be swayed to follow the most convincing argument or the most popular opinion. Listening to others can provide ideas and information, help us move our thoughts forward, but at the end of the day it’s your life. They are not as invested in the outcome as you are.
– Check your perspective, how do you feel? Some days are more positive than others, these others we take everything personally. When you know how much you can influence each situation, you can be more in control of your responses.
– Consider treatment if you suspect you have long-term unresolved issues. Getting help is a positive way to learn from what happened, empowering you to take charge of yourself and then move on. And working with a neutral professional who is able to provide the right kind of support can be an important way to help you turn the situation around.
– Recognize that loss and ending bring different stages of grief. You may well go through them all, some more than once. The stages can include denial, anger, depression, bargaining/bargaining until there is acceptance of where you are. Everything can take time, without limitation in each individual case.
– There are many types of foreign aid if you are not looking for one-on-one therapy. Online forums and newsgroups can connect you with people with similar stories where you can share hints, tips, or sometimes just tears and company. Knowing you are not alone can in itself provide reassurance and comfort.
– Take the focus away from yourself. Volunteer, share your lessons, knowledge and sensitivity by giving time and supporting others. When you help others, it often helps you. You will find that some people would have difficult, painful experiences, others may need to know that there is company and support. Get involved and recognize your own growth, strength and resilience.
Above all, appreciate that things take time, but resolution will come eventually.
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