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Married to a Chinese Guy

Daria and Alvin’s love story

Daria and Alvin met online on one of the sites where people exchange languages. It was March 2014 and at that time she was living in Harbin (Northern China) and he was living in Shanghai. They have started exchanging letters and emails as friends. After several months they couldn’t imagine their lives without each other’s messages. In the summer of 2014 he convinced her to move to Shanghai. It was a very bold decision for her to go alone in a huge city to a man she has never met in real life, but it felt so right that she didn’t hesitate. She quit her job in Harbin, said goodbye to her friends and moved to Shanghai. Finally, the stars aligned for them as they met on August 28, 2014 in Shanghai.

3 years later he proposed from Mt.Fuji while the cherry trees were blooming. This was the most romantic place and the most romantic proposal he could ever imagine. In the last 3 years they have traveled extensively in Asia, adopted 2 cats and got married.

Questions for her

On our first date…

We visited the Bund in the evening, then went to one of the biggest parks in central Shanghai and spent the whole night sitting on the bench and talking until 4am.

During the first months of getting to know me it would be the negotiation

he pushes me to be intimate too soon, also if he had no manners or seemed too bored.

I knew he was right for me when…

I know him better, I knew how ambitious and responsible he was. Also when I knew his views on life and plans, which were similar to my plans.

I had a culture shock when…

she got sick and refused to take pills and said she just needed to drink more hot water!

Three things I love about Him are…

1. I like that he is a very talented artist. 2. I love that he has a great sense of humor and always makes me laugh. 3. I like that he is a very open person when we are alone, he never hides his true feelings and is honest with me.

The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…

I thought China is not that developed, rather a poor country where people wear those straw triangle hats and grow rice. Obviously, Chinese megacities like Shanghai or Guangzhou are even more developed than most European cities.

The nicest thing he ever did for me was…

my first week in shanghai. I was staying at the hotel and he used to come to my hotel early in the morning before his work to bring me breakfast. That was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me.

During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was… the fact that I should be more flexible. It’s not so important to be right all the time and sometimes I just have to back off to avoid unnecessary arguments and other problems.

If there is one piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends involved in AMWF relations, it would be…

that you should not look for a life partner based on his/her race. I think if someone only wants to be with you because you’re white or Asian, those relationships won’t last forever. We must first look at the personality and soul of the person. And if your soul mate happened to be from a different culture, the most important thing is to stay open-minded and embrace the different culture, no matter how unusual it may seem.

Questions to Him

Asking her out for the first time was…

I was very nervous all night, yet I felt like she was my best friend. We kept talking all night.

I knew it was right for me when…

There wasn’t one specific moment, but those countless moments that overwhelmed me with how much I needed this person in my life. These moments as if he left a love note in my wallet before my business trip…

I had a culture shock when…

I get culture shock quite often, which is why it appeals to me so much. It scares me how much she likes coffee and wine. Maybe this isn’t a cultural thing (we all know coffee and red wine are not part of Chinese culture), but I’m more of a “hot water person”. Drink more water, it’s good for your health!

Three things I love about her are…

1. Her compassion (she cries every time we see a stray animal and we’ve helped save many kittens and puppies, including two of our own cats) 2. Her justice (you never want to cross the line in front of her!) 3 . Her eyes!

The biggest misconception about the country and its culture was…

that Russians drink vodka. Vodka is a Russian thing, but not everyone is crazy about vodka in Russia…

The things she likes to do for fun with me are…

traveling, watching movies, working out, reading and everything couples do.

He hates it when I…

This is a very difficult question because she is my biggest fan, she never hates anything I do or say. No, I lied. Oh! He hates it when I lie. Also, she is our little miss “know it all” so she hates it when I give unnecessary advice.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…

Growing up as a Chinese, I could never imagine myself ending up with a girl from another country. Chinese family and education could be quite intense, so it didn’t allow me to slow down and appreciate the present and progress. It is always about the result (exams, ranking in school and class). It’s very different from my wife’s cultural background where they grow up with friends and siblings, have fun and go on trips all the time. There are very different environment and values.

What I have learned from our relationship is to accept and respect those differences that we have. It took us a while to fully understand, but now I’m starting to appreciate the difference in people and culture even more. The fact is that we are all very different people, regardless of nationality or race, we will always be different. The moment people begin to realize that they could improve their relationship with anyone including friends, family or colleagues is very valuable. This is how we create a connection, through our differences.

If there is one piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends involved in AMWF relations, it would be…

to respect her because she is a special person not only because she is western. If you love her because of her race, she will eventually disappoint you. Her racial background could be something special that attracts you at first, but there is much more to a person than that. Before diving into the serious relationship, you should ask yourself whether you see her as a woman like no other or have you put the “Westerner tag” on her. If you are ready for option 1, then let’s defeat this stereotype together.

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